I consider self-love to be one of the highest levels of frequency, which allows everything to flow into your life as you could ever imagine possible. It wasn’t until about 5 years ago that I knew I needed to make a change in my behaviors. Deep down my soul knew it wasn’t happy. I will never put blame on anyone or anywhere that I lived for my unhappiness. Your external environment can definitely attribute to making your life easier, or more challenging, but regardless of where you are, your troubles will always be with you. You can mask this by working crazy hours, drowning yourself with alcohol, or even staying in toxic relationships that you know deep down are only distracting you from getting down to the root cause of your own unresolved traumas. In my case, it was mostly the alcohol that kept me from realizing how sad I truly was. While I was living in New York City I was able to live this fast-paced life without realizing that all I was doing was hiding from everything I had repressed over the years. Don't get me wrong, New York is the best city on earth. Hands down. Looking back, living there I was able to experience the best times I could have ever asked for in my 20s. However, in the bigger picture, it wasn’t serving my higher-self, or leading me down a path I was meant to live. It kept me so busy that I didn’t even have time to realize how unhappy I truly was. My day to day life was great. I loved everyone I worked with and my friend circle knew how to have the most fun I could have ever asked for. From day drinking to staying out all night, I was able to experience it all. It wasn’t until my dad moved down to Costa Rica (which is an entire other story in itself) and I started to come down to visit him periodically when I just needed to get out of New York for a little reset and nature time. It was a complete culture shock. People were connecting on such a different level. No one asked what you did for a living, they asked how you were doing. They wanted to know your hobbies, goals, and dreams. I was able to see a whole new way of life that was so intriguing to me and I couldn’t help but to want to be a part of it. I met so many incredible people my first trip down there and realized that maybe the way I was living back in New York wasn’t serving my higher purpose. Once I got back to New York, I completely stopped drinking and changed everything about my behaviors. It was a bit too drastic, which is why it obviously didn’t stick for good. Looking back, I think I knew I wanted to live this “Pura Vida” life but didn’t know how to integrate it back into my own reality.
Over the next few years, I started making more trips down to Costa Rica and learned more with each experience and was able to dive deeper into the culture, slowly integrating new habits and ways of living into my reality of living such a fast past city. Each time I returned to New York I was able to recognize and break down old habits and patterns that were no longer serving me. I slowly started to realize that I had no interest in drinking because I became so in tune with my body and how I felt. It is absolutely crazy to think back over those years because my goal was never to stop drinking. Once I cleared my head and realized my goal was to love myself enough that I didn’t need to drink, I was able to attract, manifest, and tap into frequencies that I never knew existed. We need to be able to love who we are and value ourselves enough to be self-aware of what is most beneficial for ourselves in the bigger picture of our journey.
The purpose of writing these discussions is not only therapeutic for myself, but I hope that even one person can relate if they are feeling any type of discouragement and wanting to give up, yet know deep down that there is more in this lifetime to discover. Learning to love yourself again and being able to know your worth takes time and dedication, especially after suffering from trauma and not living in alignment with your true self for years. I have now become extremely self-aware of what fuels my soul and what drains my energy. Self-love requires doing things that nourish your soul and bring joy to your life. Learning to value yourself and truly understand you are worthy of unlimited possibilities will open doors that you would never thought possible. I stayed in toxic relationships for years because I never understood these teachings I am now slowly discovering. I know I've said this before, but I certainly don't have all the answers. After being in Costa Rica these last six months, I felt called to share what I've learned thus far to hopefully help others on the same journey and to bring like-minded people together to make those who haven’t had these realizations yet, know they are not alone. Before I was able to let go of my pain and suffering, I felt like I would never get back to my old self. Although it was quite the journey, learning to truly love myself again and realize my self-worth is the ultimate gift I could have received from the universe.
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